


Least You Could Do

by lonelyplanetboy



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: And he's trans and that affects his thoughts in the scene, But now you get to hear Dirk's thoughts more directly, Canon Rewrite, Gen, Kind of Sad Ending, Sad, Scene is almost exactly the same from the show, Trans Dirk Gently, Transgender, Transphobia, deadnaming, season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26097895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyplanetboy/pseuds/lonelyplanetboy
Summary: Colonel Riggins confronts Dirk Gently in the lobby of the Ridgely. It's been sixteen years since Dirk has had any contact with Blackwing. It is not a happy reunion.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Least You Could Do

“Fine. I’ll help you.”

The somewhat reluctant but otherwise very agreeable words echoed in Dirk’s mind as he dashed down the stairs to his car, rather, the car he had been driving as of late. He grinned to himself, barely able to contain his excitement at Todd having committed to helping him on the case. “Yes, yes, yes!” he whispered under his breath, so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the figure standing in the entryway of the Ridgely. 

“Hello, Project Icarus.”

And his world came tumbling down. 

There _he_ was. Older, sadder, but undoubtedly Colonel Riggins. And there was no reason he should be there. No reason he should be in the Ridgley: he should be down in some underground facility in the middle of nowhereville USA, poking and prodding at the few Blackwing patients who hadn’t made it out. No reason he should be in Seattle, in Todd’s apartment building, waiting for Dirk. And then there was the biggest problem.

There was no reason he should be waiting for _Dirk_. There should be no reason he should recognize him, that he should connect Dirk with Icarus and Icarus with Dirk. He had left no traces of his past self, none that he thought they could find. A name change would have been necessary either way, of course. But with his growing dysphoria and better understanding of his identity in his teenage years, he had shed more than just the name they called him in Blackwing. He had really, truly believed that between his lack of papers, name change, and gender transition he’d be completely untraceable. 

But there was Colonel Riggins. Waiting for him.

“No,” he whispered, not knowing what else to say, the shock hitting him in waves. Riggins slowly started approaching him, and Dirk could feel his body tense up, his heart beating fast as a knot in his stomach twisted tight. “Leave me alone,” he said quietly. 

“Svlaka. We need to talk.”

Dirk felt his voice catch in his throat, the knot in his stomach growing worse. He wanted to say he didn’t know who that was, that he’d never known anyone named that, that he’d never been anyone named that. “That’s not my name anymore,” was what he managed instead, shaking his head.

“Dirk, then,” Riggins said with a small, pitying smirk. Dirk knew that smile well from his childhood. It was the same smile he’d reserve for when Dirk said something unrealistic, or, god forbid, hopeful. The smile he’d reserve for when he’d let Dirk continue believing whatever it was if it made Dirk happy, despite the fact _he_ knew it wasn’t true. Despite the fact _he_ knew Dirk was just wrong, wrong, wrong. 

Dirk had only ever been sure of a few things in his life, and one of them was that he was, fully and completely, Dirk Gently. Not Project Icarus or Svalka Cjelli or any of the other names he’d been called. And hell if he was going to let Riggins demean him for that, hell if he was going to let Riggins take that away from him! He felt the anger rising in his chest, years of resentment built up inside of him. Dirk took a step forward, raising his voice, brain hot and emotions high. “I said _leave me alone—_!”

Before he could say or do any more, Dirk was tackled from the side by an unknown party, pushed down onto the stairs he had so recently dashed merrily down. In that split second, he squeezed his eyes shut, wondering again how they found him, wondering again how they found him as _Dirk_ , and praying to whatever might be out there that whoever hadn’t tackled him wasn’t—

“Friedkin!” Riggins shouted. “Friedkin, god damnit, get off of him!”

The man named Friedkin loosened his grip but did not let go. “He was escaping!” 

“You release him now soldier, that’s an order!” Part of Dirk felt relieved. Riggins wasn’t trying to hurt him. Not today. However, as Friedkin somewhat reluctantly let go of Dirk, Dirk found he wasn’t relieved in any way that had a lasting effect. They weren’t going to kill him today, great. But, as he shakily scrambled away, he felt anger for even having a shred of relief about that. Finding himself trapped between Friedkin on the stairs and Riggins in the hall, Dirk grabbed onto the poll at the end of the staircase tightly. 

“Is this what you do now?” Dirk asked, full of anger and bewilderment. “You just _attack_ people?”

“I’m sorry sir,” Friedkin said with military formality. “I got confused.” He stood up briskly and walked behind Riggins. Dirk stared in shock, raising his eyebrows at Riggins. 

“He seems like a _winner,_ ” he said as sarcastically as he could despite how shaky he still felt. 

“Dirk, listen to me.”

Dirk bristled. “Why, do you have _new_ lies to tell me?”

Riggins ignored his comment, continuing flatly. “We need you to come back in for debriefing.”

Dirk felt his mind spinning. _That_ was why they had tracked him down? That was why they had invaded his new life, found his new identity, matched this new face with the old files? For a debriefing? “Yes, why not? It’s only been _sixteen fucking years_.”

“Blackwing is under review. That’s why we bailed you out when the police brought you in. It’s the least you can do.”

Dirk couldn’t believe his ears. He looked at Riggins, dumbfounded. “The least… _I_ can do.”

“It’s in your best interest.”

Dirk paused, processing. “You promised them something… and you couldn’t deliver.” He felt himself shaking. It had always been like this with Riggins for as long as Dirk could remember. It had always been vows, vouchers, promises, IOUs, commitments, agreements. All of them deferred, denied, downplayed. Broken. He felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. “You promised _me_ something and you couldn’t deliver.”

“Dirk, I am _not_ the enemy here,” Riggins said, taking a step forward. Dirk instinctively scrambled up and back towards the wall, not wanting Riggins any closer. The knot in his stomach was tying knots with knots at this point, and the stinging in the corner of his eyes only threatened to get worse. 

Riggins shook his head in his small, pitying way. “This…. it’s not you. You’re not a detective,” he said slowly. “You are going to get yourself hurt or killed if you keep—”

“I am on a case!” Dirk cut him off sharply. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to be intimidating, but more than either of those, he felt terrified. He felt the potential Riggins had to pull his current life away from him just by tugging on the rug underneath his feet. The stinging was most definitely fully realized tears by now. He couldn’t let Riggins do that. “I have _friends_! And—and we found _clues_!” he continued, like his life depended on him proving he really _was_ a detective. "We’re going to solve a _mystery_! A real one!” And maybe it did, for all he knew. “And _some_ people think I’m a _pretty_ _good_ detective!”

“I’m trying to protect you, I don’t know what they’ll do.”

“I don’t care,” Dirk said with a shaky breath, feeling a weird sense of calm come over him. “I don’t need you.” And he really, truly meant it. It had been something he’d repeated to himself over and over across the years, especially right after he had escaped Blackwing. He didn’t need Riggins. He didn’t need him. But saying it out loud to Riggins face was something new—something he had never expected to have the opportunity to do. It was therapeutic. Dirk took a step forward, feeling more confident. He paused, looking Riggins squarely in the eye. “Go back to hiding in the shadows.” He took a deep breath. “It was the only thing you were ever good at.”

Riggins didn’t respond, his eyes hardening a bit. Dirk pushed past him, walking away from Riggins and Friedkin as quickly as he could, trying to seem confident and not panicked. He paused outside the door, letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been keeping in. He felt his body loosen a bit, but his shoulders remained tense. He quickly walked down the rest of the stairs to his car, rather, the car he was driving as of late. He slipped into the front seat and locked the vehicle. And though this hadn’t been an initial reason he had found this car to be particularly attractive, he found himself immensely grateful for the darkened windows as his long breaths turned into slightly shorter sobs. 

He had always assumed Blackwing had been looking for or trying to keep track of Slvaka Cjelli across the years. But he wasn’t Slvaka Cjelli. And because of this he had always assumed--he was safe. Even if it didn’t last forever, he figured it would last him a very long time, at least long enough for Riggins to die, for Blackwing to be shut down, for no one to care anymore.

But now that illusion was broken. And so he cried. He _did_ have friends, and a case, and a lot to work on, a lot to do. He couldn’t afford to be bothered with the idea that Blackwing wanted him back, that they were going to do anything to get him back. He had a new life, a life that didn’t involve whatever they needed from him. But it didn’t matter what he wanted, what he needed. It never did and it still didn’t. 

And so he cried. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is based on a scene from Season One, Episode Three. I really enjoy trans Dirk. I'm planning to write a fic that's like--just positive and nonchalant and euphoric for him to make up for this mess. But for now, please accept this.


End file.
